Who Do You See In the Mirror?

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? 

Most of the time, what we see is never good enough…or at least, that’s how I feel.  I always find myself wishing.   I wish that my hair was finer or that my teeth were whiter or that my waist was smaller – and the list goes on and on.  Then, I remind myself that the important things about me aren’t always reflected in the mirror.  Though cliché, one of my grandmother’s favorite sayings rings true – “Beauty is only skin deep.”

When you stop looking at the mirror and start looking through the mirror you’ll begin to evaluate your heart, your mind, your spirit and your soul.  This self-evaluation will allow you to understand who you are at your authentic core.  This understanding will lead to a sense of worth and confidence which inevitably will lead to a sense of self-acceptance.  Self-acceptance means that you are content and happy with the true you.   This doesn’t mean that we don’t need to work on flaws in our character, but it does mean that God placed different qualities in each of us to fulfill a very unique purpose in this life.  No one else can fulfill your purpose. 

Once you are able to accept yourself, you are able to love yourself.  You will begin to see the world differently.  The world and those in it will neither be your validation nor will they be your standard.  You will have an inner peace that is connected to your spiritual core.

Your new found self-love is what will attract others to you.  If you can master the art of loving yourself, you will not let anyone close to your heart that can’t do the same.  When you love yourself, you’ll wake up in the morning and speak positive confessions over your life.  Accordingly, if you are looking for a mate, you will expect the same from that person.  While loving yourself, you will treat your body with care.  Similarly, you will expect the same from a mate.  Though a tough pill to swallow – we must realize that ultimately, we teach others how to treat us.

Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching and many of us will set aside time to celebrate love.  Don’t forget to take the time to celebrate your self-love.  Look beyond what you see in the mirror. 

Oh, and by the way, I’ve decided that I’m happy with my hair, my waist and everything else - - because, I am not my hair, I am not my waistline…I am my heart, my spirit, my mind and my soul. 

XOXO,

Love B. Loved

Choose Your Words Wisely

There is a time for everything – including a time to shut our mouths!  The more I grow, both naturally and spiritually, the more I mature.  Maturity continues to teach me both the power of words and the gift of silence. 

This week I witnessed an argument between a young man and woman whom I presume to have been in a relationship by their close proximities.  As the man started to speak, the woman cut him off telling him all of the things he would never amount to.  As I listened attentively while trying not to make eye contact, my heart saddened.   Not knowing the reason behind the argument, I did not allow myself to draw a biased conclusion on who was right and who was wrong.  Moreover, I meditated on the experience and asked myself – what was I suppose to learn and what could “the couple” have done differently?  Here’s what I came up with:

1)     Words are able to trigger ideas, thoughts, memories and feelings – all of which can be either good or bad depending on the intent of the person speaking.  Sometimes, as in the situation referenced above, the emotional reaction to the words has nothing to do with the matter at hand and everything to do with the triggered memories.

2)     It is very important to think before we speak because we will be held accountable for every idle word.  If we don’t have the gift of thinking “quick on our feet”, let’s practice taming our tongue.  Our delayed response is better than a response that kills hopes and dreams.

3)     The gift of silence would have been an awesome tool to use in this situation.  Suppose one of the individuals had been quiet.  What if one person just desired to be heard?  Could one of those individuals have been an active listener providing an accepting and non-threatening presence?  Could gentle silence have been a place where the burden could have been temporarily cast away until an appropriate time for discussion?

As you speak, know that your words are impactful.  For today and everyday choose your words wisely.

Your Friend,

Love B. Loved

Run Your Own Race

Dear Love B. Loved,

One of my good friends recently purchased a new car.  I drive an older model car.  Should I feel like I need to purchase a new car to stay on her level?

Behind the Times

Dear Behind the Times,

There is a social syndrome prevalent amongst Americans commonly known as “Keeping up with the Jones’”.  This way of thinking will cause you to compare your lifestyle to the lifestyle of your peers.  It will also make you believe that material things validate who you are as an individual.  As you and I both know – God has already validated us.  That being said, we don’t need material things to co-sign the validation.

Be happy for your friend.  Celebrate with her!  Perhaps this was the season for her to purchase a new car.

Should you purchase a new car to stay on her level?  If that is your only reason for purchasing a new car – you may want to do some self-evaluation to ensure that you’re not operating out of lust or envy.  There are several things to consider when making large purchases: (a) can you afford it (b) how will the purchase affect your family, and (c) is it absolutely necessary at this time?

In life, you have to run your own race.  It’s good to have great friends to run beside, but you don’t always know the story behind their glory.  Be thankful and content where you are.  Continue to run your race and know that your season is soon coming.

Later,

Love B. Loved

Life & Love

Every now and then you get this feeling.

It hurts, it stings - - meanwhile, you search for your healing.

Trying to figure out how you can fill a void…

How can you patch a heart that has repeatedly been destroyed?

Life & Love

Sleepless nights and tear filled days

Seemed to consume my life and misguide my ways

Every day I asked God, “Why Me?”

Why did I have to suffer from this agony?

Then I couldn’t understand why no one knew

Why didn’t they see and feel what I’d been through

But now that I’m older, I’m no longer naïve

In both life and love do I believe!

Everyone travels the path their life leads

And on this path, sometimes your heart bleeds

And when this happens, trust – you’ll be okay

Because something called Time eventually takes the pain away

But while you wait, it’s important that you know

You can’t just stop living, you must continue to grow

This, I know, can be a difficult mission

But it’s life or death – and it’s Your decision

………….

So now that you’ve decided to keep on living

Guess What?  Your heart that was broken decided to keep on giving

So realize – life and love, they go hand in hand

Life without Love wasn’t in your Master’s plan

You’re the only one who knows your story and I recognize that sometimes there’s pain hidden behind your smile.  Despite everything you’ve gone through (and are going through) – you’re still here.  You are someone’s motivation.  Don’t ever think that people don’t notice the Love in you.

Guard your heart - - Everyone shouldn’t be privileged enough to get close.  Life is going to throw darts at us without us asking – don’t throw darts at yourself by making poor decisions.

Moving Forward,

Love B. Loved

Stop Pretending

There's a quote that reads, "The hardest thing about realizing that you don't love me, is that you spent so much time pretending that you did."  The fact of the matter is… he wasn't the one pretending - you were.  You pretended as if you were being loved in a way that fulfilled you.  You pretended as if his flaws turned you on.  And lastly, you pretended that you'd be able to change him if his flaws ever became unbearable.  Now the flaws are unbearable and, all of a sudden, you think he was pretending.  In fact, all the while he was being himself and you were seeing him for who you thought he had the potential to be.

Do you know love?  If not, it will be impossible for someone else to love you because you have yet to learn to love yourself. So because he made you laugh, bought you a random gift and told you you were "the one" - you thought you felt love.  What you failed to remember was that most of the guys you've dated made you laugh and smile.  That's just the way it works in the beginning.  Then he surprised you with a burger for lunch.  You don't even eat beef!  Yes, he said you were "the one." What you didn't hear was (for the next couple of months - maybe a year) you're "the one."  Don't misconstrue Love.  Get to know Love before you expect to receive Love.  If you don't, you'll always take a chance of accepting love that's counterfeit.

His flaws - - (the fact that he always picked you up hours late for your dates, used his teeth to crush his ice like an ice machine and desired to have no children) - - turned you on at first.  You admired that he worked long hours and it was okay when he picked you up late.  You thought it was sexy when he crunched his ice.  Then you decided that life without children would allow you to focus more on your career and save you some headaches.  Now you've changed your mind and you think he was pretending to love you.  Fact is - he was always being his authentic self.  He tried to show you who he was all along and all along you tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

His flaws don’t mean that he’s not a good guy for someone.  Moreover, they may just mean that he’s not the right man for you.  After you get to know Love, figure out what your non-negotiables are.  Then move forward.

Zoom out on your situation and stop pretending.

Until Next Time,

Love B. Loved

Let Bygones be Bygones

It can be so hard to let go...even when what we're attempting to let go is harmful to our growth and advancement.  It is because we are creatures of habit.  We are comfortable doing and experiencing what we are used to.  Naturally, we are weak in this area, but the good thing about life is that often times God will allow a storm to come into our lives --> and although it may seem invasive - a storm may be exactly what we need.  I am a firm believer that sometimes God will allow storms to come into our life to help rid us of things that we are not willing to give up on our own.  Just imagine a huge storm hitting your house.  Anything that does not have a solid foundation is going to fall, break or blow away.  That is precisely what we need to happen in our lives - we should want things without a solid foundation and people who aren't adding value to blow away.  The obstacle; however, is not to run after the very thing that has exited.  Let bygones be bygones because...

There is a season for everything in life.  Understanding this is one of the most difficult tasks we will face.  Often times when we form relationships, we don't form them anticipating the ending.  Despite our infinite thinking, many have endings.  Relationships have much to do with two people growing together.  When this growth doesn't happen in one person or when it happens at vastly different rates with the involved individuals - problems occur.  Life is too short for problems...

So, enter the new year with a made up mind. Don't live life by happenstance. Make a decision to live your life on purpose.  Do not waste time trying to make someone a priority who doesn't make you their priority.  Live a balanced life.  Set achievable goals.  Remind yourself of how valuable you are.  Never lose hope!

Out with the old - In with the new!

Peace,

Love B. Loved